Daron McFarland Known Personalities: The Pimp, Buck Nekkid, Guy Who gets Shot in Crotch! In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. And the Earth was without form and void and darkness was upon the face of the deep. Okay skip ahead a few hours to a galaxy far, far away – Mississippi. There was born a man. Well actually a boy or more appropriately an infant. But that infant would grow into a man … eventually. And that man’s name would be Daron. But everyone would call him Daron. (It’s pronounced different.) But on one lumpy day that man, that Daron, stood before the world and stared at it with eyes forged of fire. Well maybe not fire. More like they were made out of a shimmering ember-like material. Okay, so they were made out of eyeball stuff. But he did stare in an insouciant manner there on that coequal day … well perhaps more like he shot a glance on a stalwart afternoon. But at that moment he knew that which I knew that I will now let you know because he knew that which I know but he has long since forgotten. He needed a mission. Not like a one with a padre and a couple of nuns protecting some Apache orphans from a band of Banditos riding up the El Camino Real. No. A mission as in a purpose, a calling, a destiny … an errand of some importance. The Banditos would be optional. Then he had a stroke of genius, which landed him in hospital for several days. And that is the story of Daron. Well actually it had little do with Daron. In fact he wasn’t even there for most of it. But it was at least interesting. No. No it wasn’t. Not even in the slightest. And just like taint juice, it’s not at all satisfying. What is Daron? He is a complex mixture of insufficient minerals, random amino acids and one extra chromosome in a watery composition loosely held together by weak atom bonds. And his scrotum is immense … pillowcase big. If you feel you have what it takes to be Daron, then go shoot yourself. For one is not born Daron (well he was but negates my point so shut up). One must become a Daron. Since the prehistoric days when saber-toothed Darons roamed the not-so-great plains ‘til the day when advance civilizations of super home-schooled intellectual Darons with the luminescent throbbing foreheads are able to discover all the hidden items in the Highlights magazine – the disorder of the Daron awaits in the inky shadows of society’s undergarments waiting to nip at the tender fleshy areas that stray too far. But if ever there was a great man … I bet he smelled nice. If nothing else, Daron is a really nice guy with a big heart … enlarged actually.